I Change My Clothes in My Car Because I Have To

I feel like my thoughts are little Mexican jumping beans bouncing around inside my skull. They've been trying to get out for a while now, but with school and three jobs (count em, three), I have devoted my mind entirely to trying to find a way to squeeze something else into my day. When am I going to eat? When am I going to get gas, or pay that bill? Do I have the shoes I need for tonight's wardrobe change? Where is my physics book? When was the last time I washed my hair? The mundane logistical thoughts have pushed these poor ignored deeper thoughts so far away and scattered them so far that I fear I may have lost some of them. Some have ventured to other parts of my body in search of an escape route; for example, I'm pretty sure that has been something poetic inside my chest trying to find the words to allow it to surface, to let it out, but I have not allowed much thought for these thoughts, keeping them trapped and in the dark.

I am going to attempt to remedy this now.

Please bear with me (that's b-e-a-r, not b-a-r-e).

Things I've noticed about myself/habits:

I've decided that I really love Fall (Autumn, if you will). It might be my favorite season. But I had never experienced such a seasonal phenomenon until I spent a few years in Provo. Now as I hike through freshly green Santa Monica Mountains enjoying the sun and ready myself for Thanksgiving in capri pants and flip flops, I realize that something is missing. The hills are not painted with brilliant shades of orange and gold. There isn't that crisp in the air that prompts you pull out your pea coats and scarves. There are no crunchy leaves on the sidewalk that make even a trip down the driveway to the mailbox fun. The air doesn't smell of cinnamon and wet earth. Fall just isn't a season we have in California. Around here, "Fall" is a time when school starts, when we make trips to the pumpkin patch, when children dress in costumes and beg for candy, and when we sweat during the day and might need a hoodie at night. That's all. I guess what I'm saying is that I miss Fall.

I only play the piano or the guitar when nobody's home.
(Or when I think no one can hear me)

I am afraid to speak Spanish to native speakers.
But wouldn't you love it if you moved to Paraguay and someone spoke English to you?

When I clean my room, I always start by putting away my shoes.

I still can't roll my tongue.

I keep a dayplanner, but I realized that I usually only write things that have already happened in it.
It is rarely used to warn me of something ahead.

I really pine for an old friend I've lost touch with.
Despite our lack of contact these last few years, I still love her and consider her one of my favorite people.
She inspires me, even from afar.

I wear "Saturday Outfits" whenever I can.
"What is a Saturday outfit?" you ask.
I guess the best way to describe it is to give an example.
Today's edition:
orange tank top
Batman boxers
Ron Weasly-esque beanie
ballet slippers

I have a lot of friends. Now, I don't say this to be boastful; I mean there are a lot of individuals with whom I share a friendship. This doesn't mean I'm super social, or that I'm always surrounded by a large group of people. In fact, I would say quite the opposite. I was thinking about how I have these friends who are all from different groups, making getting a group together for some activity a little weird and very random. So I just don't do it. I am totally open to being introduced to their friends. I don't really mind being the one who doesn't really know anybody else there (as long as my friend remembers that I don't know anyone else yet). But I never invite people who don't know each other to hang out with me. I always laugh at the idea of all of the random people that would attend a birthday party in my honor. The last two years, friends have thrown me a surprise party, inviting who they thought should be there, and they did a good job. But there were people I would have liked to have come, but since I don't know any of their friends and they don't know any of my friends, they miss out on an invitation. I think I would be able to save more time and have more fun by "killing two birds with one stone," so to speak. If I allowed my friends to meet and be friends with each other, then we could all hang out; all would be well. I hope I can let this happen sometime.

I miss dance -- everything about it.
I miss the girls. I miss the coach.
I miss the competitions. I miss the performances.
I miss the smell of hairspray and eyelash glue.
I miss being in good physical condition.
I miss the massive appetite I used to be able to maintain.
I miss the thrill that comes from mastering a new movement.
I miss the rhythm of the music and my heartbeat combined.
I miss the freedom and the release.

What I Should Be Doing: moving my furniture, writing to Ben, going to Home Depot, shaving my legs
What I'm Listening To: Stephanie Smith, The Eagles, Shania Twain, and The Sequence

In fact, I think that you should listen to The Sequence too:

Why don't we say what we mean?

Disclaimer: this is probably not going to be a funny blog.

So lately I have found myself catching up with people I haven't talked to in a while (for one reason or another) and then I find myself faced with the imminent inquiry. That overwhelmingly vague yet personal question that never fails to comes up: How are you?

But does that person care to hear an honest answer? I've been thinking a lot about that. How often do we find ourselves walking past somebody we know and in passing, we smile and say with [false?] enthusiasm, "Hi! How are are you?" or "Hey! How's it going?" But we keep walking, don't we? We have a tendency to "keep walking" in a conversation as well. A coworker or friend from school will say good morning and ask how we're doing today and we automatically respond with, "Fine" or "Good" or any variation thereof. Then we continue the conversation by describing exactly why we're not fine:
"Man, I have this splitting headache..."
"Ugh I was up so late last night. My kids are sick..."
"I'm nervous about this test tomorrow.."
"My roommate is still acting like the Queen of Sheba..."
"My boyfriend and I got in another fight last night..."
"I think I have herpes..."

Why do we bother with the "Fine" statement to begin with? Mostly, it's a mindless response to a mindless question. But sometimes we revert to the "Fine" because it's been a long time since our last communication with that person and rather than explain everything that has happened in the past two years or so, you just summarize with a simple "I'm doing well," putting on a front in a way. I guess the hard part is determining the sincerity with which the how are you is presented so that we don't miss an opportunity to respond accordingly, to show our friends that we trust them, and to allow them to catch a little glimpse into our lives.

Another example:
"I'm sorry."
"It's ok."

It's ok?! So they can do it again and that would be alright with you?
Yea, I didn't think so.

We've become overly an apologetic people, always afraid of offending, always watching what we say, afraid of being politically incorrect or the dreaded i-word: intolerant. I won't even get started on this topic. I don't have the time and neither do you.

I guess the whole point of this rambling was to explain that I've been trying to overcome these poor communication incidents that have become the social norm.

So go ahead, ask me how I've been; tell me you're sorry.



I dare you.






What I should be doing: fastrack Physics 105, finding my floor, finding a job, finding myself
What I'm listening to: Ana Nalick, Sufjan Stevens, Rocky Votolato, Stars

Work in Progress- Something for Veronica to Read

It's been a big summer.

Lots of changes.

I don't even know where to begin.

Words are failing me right now.

I guess I could cheat and raise my word count by the thousands by using pictures...

Yes, that is what I will do.

TRANSPORTATION
OLD:
[Dora]
"Dora," the Explorer -born: 2000

NEW:
"Ruby Sue" -born: 1986

HOUSE
OLD:
NEW:

HAIR
OLD:

NEW:

(I look sickly. But my hair looks good...)


SCHOOL

OLD:





















NEW:
[picture in scrubs]

I want to write a new blog.

But alas, I have school in the morning and must go to bed.

Perhaps another day.




♥

Si yo fuera una mosaic...

In studying for finals, naturally I find ways to stall... like making this fun little mosaic.
Thanks to Kari for the idea.


want to make one of your own?

step 1: go to flickr.com
setp 2: in another window open http://bighugelabs.com/flickr/mosaic.php
step 3: choose 4 columns, 3 rows
step 4: answer the following questions in the search bar of flicker. pick your favorite one on the first page and paste it into your mosaic

1. What is your first name?
2. What is your favorite food?
3. What school did you go to?
4. What is your favorite color?
5. Who is your celebrity crush?
6. Favorite drink?
7. Dream vacation?
8. Favorite dessert?
9. What you want to be when you grow up?
10. What do you love most in life?
11. One word to describe you.
12. Your nickname.



Well that was fun.
Back to studying for Spanish and Brother Ludlow's New Testament final.
Goodnight.




What I should be doing: finding an apartment for next year, reading La Dama Del Alba
What I'm listening to: The Eagles, Secondhand Serenade, Phantom Planet, and Journey
What I wish I was doing: sleeping. or eating angel food cake...

Where Have You Been All My Life?

Just a quick photo review to offer you a taste of what's been going on in my life...

Enjoy!

Rogers 95 2006-2007. 5/6
Dinner at the creamery with Jess before she went into the MTC.

Halloween. After years of dreaming, I finally went as Quailman!

Baloo "Mushface" Ludlow.
October 1999-November 2008.

New Years' Eve.
Chilling with the floats before the Rose Parade.

Everyone spends Valentine's Day at Cabelas, right?

Check out that spandex!
All dressed up and ready for Vanilla Ice and MC Hammer in concert.

I'm not old enough to be 21.

But I went to Vegas anyway.

So to prove my immaturity, I made a Hannah Montana blanket,
...and tied the scraps around my head.

Well, that's all I can think of for now...
Maybe I'll secretly upload more later.
Hasta luego!


What I should be doing: O-Chem problem set, Literary analysis in Spanish
What I'm Listening to: Flo-Rider, Death Cab For Cutie, The Doors, and Miley Cyrus
What I wish I was doing: eating more of that delicious homemade bread and honey butter from FHE at Brother Brinkerhoff's...